This short article aims to make the reader aware of the roots of rejection, the fear of being unloved and give a spiritual response to encourage the reader to delve more into this topic. It is based on the writer’s own experience of facing the fear of rejection in her life, which she did through the psychological programme ASCA Survivor to Thriver as well as her relationship with Jesus.
When men lived and hunted in packs, actual physical death would result to an individual who was cut off from the rest of the pack. The limbic system (that part of the brain which regulates emotions) in modern man still unconsciously carries the fear of such a death.
The fear of losing our loved ones or those around us
As children we fear losing our parents, we fear being unloved. We unconsciously fear they might die or abandon us. We try our best to earn their approval and love. As we grow older, this need for approval and love extends to our peers and society in general. We work hard for it. We must have material goods, status, the right kind of lifestyle so that we are respected. We become fanatical about an ideology, a political party, a sports team or our religion. This makes us feel that we are a part of something. We fit in. We are safe. Deep within us we feel that if we don’t attain this we will die because we will be cut off from the pack. This gnawing fear also causes man to search for a means by which he can dull the fear. Hence the addictions, compulsions and all distractions with which our modern society is rife.
Jesus’ cut off from his social pack
We carry an existential death inside us throughout our lives. Jesus was cut off from the pack. He was crucified by his own people. Jesus physically entered man’s darkest, subconscious fear and he transformed it. Not only he transformed it through the resurrection but also being the God of life, being light itself, he introduced light and life in a place where there only used to be darkness and death.
Listening to our fears
We need to stop running away from the fear of rejection, this dark place. We need to stop trying to appease the fear. When we actually enter this place and stay with the fear of being rejected, the fear not being good enough, the fear of being a disappointment to our parents, our spouse, our children, the fear of being unloved and unworthy of love, the fear of being alone.in this place of desolation we can meet he who entered this place without needing to, he who entered this place for our sake. He went in it out of pure love for us so he could bring in light and life into our desolation. This place has been redeemed. So we no longer need to operate from its darkness. We do not need to spend our lives breathlessly running after the love and approval of others. We do not need to run away from the fear and the pain.
This is freedom. This is eternal life.