Prayer for Fear of Abandonment

Prayers & Poems
Nuntia
November 5, 2018
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3 minutes read

A PRAYER FOR THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

This prayer poem describes the fear of abandonment and the relief found in the person of Jesus Christ. It was written during difficult times of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a condition experienced by many survivors of child abuse.

In your punctured, swollen head
In your scourge-torn flesh
In the gaping holes of your hands and feet
but above all
In your lacerated side

I lay my fear of abandonment

The fear, fear, fear
Chasing me
in the foggy darkness
I run
sightless onward
breathless
I run
worshipping what I should love

I lay the void eating away at my soul
The hunger
For what will never be
The grief
The loss
The drip drip dripping of the silently bleeding heart

I lay the sadistic inner critic
ever going on and on and on
ever going on
The struggling, fragile self-esteem
The crumbling reflection in the mirror

I lay the flashbacks
The nightmares
The red-hot darts in my head
intrusive
obsessive
relentless

I lay the fatigue
the hopelessness
The strangling feeling of being trapped
forever

I lay the shame
The inadequacy
the wish to fade in the background and not be seen

I lay the crucified, Stockholmed love
which has no place here
but is nonetheless
the secret, tormented, yearning…

You see my love, my being is as tortured as yours.
I lay it all within your disfigured, beautiful body lying silently in the cold darkness
I lay myself now
I lay to rest near your silenced, broken heart
I will wait for the dawn.