Our search for God takes on many forms! In this week’s post, the aspiring poet Liam Agius expresses his search in a poem titled, “Myself, Divided”. In a quasi-Augustinian style, the poem explores the relationship between the unity and the multiplicity of our “self”; in a way that always keeps the door open for the presence of God within all this. The poem is accompanied by an illustration created by the digital artist Ian Farrugia – an illustration that seeks to both mirror and augment the poem’s intricate message.
I was once one body whole,
One in mind and one in soul;
But this wholeness I had won
Was at once to come undone
By one sole bullet fired
Through my introspection’s gun.
And I felt the one burst forth
Into a raging sea of fractions,
Dead delusions and abstractions.
Then as I saw the waves divide
Through parts of me I had denied,
The flood of numbers took me under
And dragged my drained and worn-out ego
Dangerously close to zero:
A yawning, gaping zero at the centre of it all.
And through that yawning zero’s eye
I catch a glimpse of the boundless eternal:
The untold depths of void maternal
Which spits us out and swallows all.
And through its transient secretions,
Ever shifting like the seasons,
I catch wind of its faint message and perceive
That my essence is inessence:
Heavenly lessons in evanescence;
And my passions lie in ashes at the bottom of the sea.
And as I push with all my will
That vast emptiness to fill,
Tossed around by the wild oceans
Of my unrestrained emotions,
I reach the sudden understanding
That I am the sum of all my flaws,
All my outbursts without cause,
All my dreams and aspirations,
Repressed needs for validation,
And I open my lips wide and swallow all.
So as I gulp down that vast ocean
In one all-embracing motion,
We return where I’d begun
As the many turn to one.
By Liam Aġius.