I’m very patriotic when it comes to language, literature, and culture, but not so with music. When it comes to choosing between Malta Eurovision Song Contest and Sanremo, I choose the latter. Just to clarify, by ‘following’ I mean scrolling through the songs on my smartphone, since I neither have a television nor enough patience and time to spend in front of a light emitting box.

For the Ariston Theatre, this year’s concert was a good one because many of the songs that made it to the final stage were somewhat beautiful in their style, melody, or lyrics. Even if initially I didn’t give it too much importance, one of the songs that struck me most was Tango by Tananai, which placed fifth.

After hearing it for several times and watched the music video, I realised that this was a contemporary masterpiece. To put you in context, it speaks of two lovers separated by the war in Ukraine. The music video is made up of a divided screen, with clips of her and their daughter (both refugees in Italy) on the left, and on the right, clips shot by him; an inexperienced soldier, back in Ukraine during their daily video calls.

To some extent it’s a typical Italian love ballad, with statements featuring the desire to return to the day they met and reverse the events so that they won’t be suffering of a love-story lived at a distance. However, there are also a couple of disturbing lines that almost shook me and made me struggle to bring out their real meaning after reading through the lyrics repeatedly. The last lines of the pre-chorus and the opening lines of the chorus are as follow:

Lo so quanto ti manco, ma chissà perché Dio

Ci pesta come un tango e ci fa dire

Amore tra le palazzine a fuoco

La tua voce riconosco …

When I heard “God” and “tango” in such proximity, a repressed memory from my secondary school years came to the fore: the stupid song called ‘Lord of the Dance’ which we sang during mass and which I hated wholeheartedly. Moreover, it’s quite weird to imagine God dancing tango, being a Trinity and not a couple (apologies for the blasphemy). But what’s most harsh about these few words is that it’s as if God is trampling on them like in a tango dance because of this horrendous experience they’re going through, and yet the singer somewhat acknowledges that it is God that makes them say, “my love,” even in the midst of broken buildings and explosions.

This paradox has baffled theologians and philosophers for millennia, and they only managed to reach partial answers which are either too logical to touch the heart, or too sentimental to make a cohesive argument. However, I cannot stop listening to these verses because, let’s face it, as we pray in the Our Fathers’—“and lead us not into temptation”—we know that in life we pass through many trials, and ‘faith’ removes nothing from the suffering to be endured.

In a sense, sometimes, only poetry, music, and art can transmit the belief that God is there, even amid our hells, and that it is only love that makes hell bearable, both that of our loved ones and also His love—which is not always easy to see and verify.

Yet God’s love guides our stories, both in their highs and also in their lows. God’s love endures even when we promise that on a Monday we’ll be back, but have little faith that Monday will ever come (Io tornerò un lunedì/Ma non è mai lunedì). Love makes our hearts beat and it itself sows small seeds of love amid deserts.

So, back to the question, “Tananai’s Tango and… God?”… I think this art-piece succeeds at showing that only God, while sometimes apparently trampling on us in the dance of his love for us, makes us capable of loving (i.e., even when we are living through hell on earth). He who is love itself, gives us the grace to not give into doubt, fear, anxiety, or egoism. Indeed, and here, in being transformed into God’s nature, we become selfless like him. Through love and being loved, we become love.

It is only if we sow love that humanity will be able to reap the fruit of love one day. This fruit is not a forbidden fruit, but a fruit that God wishes us to feed on abundantly!

Read More –

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The passion and the crucifixion of Christ are very dear to me. In fact, I sincerely believe that if Christ had to call me to be His disciple, He would call me during that journey. In Christ who is suffering, I do not see a man whom I should pity; in Christ who is undergoing His passion, feelings of guilt and shame stay away from me. As He undergoes his passion, rather, I find myself lost in His loving gaze for me. My eyes meet His and I feel tenderly loved in a complete way, in a way I have never imagined before. I feel immersed in an ocean of unconditional love.

As He is enduring the scourging, I do not see Jesus as a victim of human sin, but my Saviour who is freeing me and saving me. I realise how deeply precious and dear I am for God. I find myself wanting to hide and find comfort in His wounds. I find myself wanting to walk all this journey with Him – to be there for Him. And I can see the Spirit of the Resurrection already present.

Why should I be afraid of His passion, why should I seek to run away – when in those moments I can experience his deepest and most tender love for me?

His blood is sanctifying. It heals me. He gives me the courage to follow in His footsteps and also embrace the pains of my life steadfastly. I love the passion of Christ, for I do not simply see a human being who is undergoing pain and suffering from human sin, but the glory of God. Because during this affliction, from Him emerged only light, unconditional love, forgiveness. A torrential of graces were poured on to us! And these are graces which give us the strength to receive and accept the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Graces which, when we believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is our Saviour, can give us the faculty to transform our lives completely.

In light of all this, I am reminded of a metaphor that a priest once narrated on a radio-station. He compared the journey of Christ’s death and resurrection to a woman giving labour. The pain and suffering, irrespective of their horror, are ultimately needed for the child to be born. This means that suffering isn’t something that we should always attempt to escape, but to realise that sometimes there is a kind of freedom and potential growth in it. In a sense, the Resurrection wouldn’t make sense without the antecedence of Death. And this death – all form of death – is never separated from He who loves us. Grace gives colour even to the blackness of the tomb.

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We had always been very close, and his heart-breaking illness and passing away afforded me great anguish. This, however, was tempered by my belief that he was now with God, who dries up every tear, and regales us with a wreath of flowers which never dry up.

Though no longer young, he had not found it easy to accept the fact that he was terminally ill. He kept hoping he would meet some doctor who would be experienced and kind enough to help him, give him hope, and make him feel less unwell. This futile hanging on to hope made me suffer all the more.

Thankfully, I realised early enough I could help him by offering spiritual support. I could remind him of certain truths of faith that he had always known and assented to, but which, in the present circumstances, no longer seemed so attractive and inviting. So I did just that: at the propitious moment, when I felt he could take it, I would quote some words from the liturgy, or from the Gospel, or from Saint Paul in which he could find consolation.

Spiritual relief was long in coming, but I firmly believed in its eventual efficacy and I went on, endeavoring to do it prudently, briefly, and only when I felt the occasion allowed it, or clearly asked for it. And of course, I prayed. I was fully aware of prayer being an essential condition at this most difficult time of his cancer experience.

Almost a year had passed since the diagnosis. I knew my dear brother had only a few months left. By now he had fully accepted he would go. I continued to pray, visited him regularly, and tried to be of more spiritual help, which he now accepted gratefully and philosophically. The day before he passed on, I had the consolation of knowing, from what he said, he was fully prepared to meet his Maker.

Then came a gratifying experience.

The beautiful, inspiring liturgy was all over. Many flowers had been sent. The men were now clearing the bunches, giving them to relatives to carry to the cemetery. A large, beautiful, white carnation dropped from one of them. I love carnations. I did not want to see it flattened under some man’s heavy weight.

Slowly and unobtrusively, I left my place, went up a few steps, picked it up, and held it, just held it. I never thought of doing anything with it. I had saved it. That was enough. Presently, I quite forgot I was carrying it.

At the grave, the priest said a final prayer, and the grave diggers started their work. I looked on, thankful that I had accompanied my brother all along the final leg of his sacred journey on earth. He was now God’s, and God was his, forever.

While musing along these consoling lines, I saw that one of the men working on the grave was looking up at me. I wondered why. Then he took a few steps towards me. In a hushed voice he said:

“Madam, would you like to throw in your flower; we’re closing.

I did. Very willingly, most thankfully, so lovingly.

Later, I remembered Saint James’ words: “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” James 1:17. That loving last touch (the physical, as well as the metaphorical) will always seem to me to have been a good and perfect ending to a sad, yet beautiful, story of my brother’s cancer experience. To me, it was a gift from above.

Read more on this story in The Death of My Brother

For cancer support please visit The Hospice Movement.

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What is your background?

FR. STEPHEN: I come from Valletta, Malta. At the age of 16 I started working to support my family financially. Eventually my brothers and sisters, seven in all, grew up and we started supporting ourselves as our family eventually established itself. As I started having more time to think on my own life, I one day met a Franciscan friar who asked me – “Do you pray?” “Not much,” I replied. However, his question did invite me to pray and get to know Jesus more up to a point that at the age of 24 I decided to leave everything and join the order of the minors of St.Francis to give my life to him and to the people as a Franciscan brother, this was in 1987. After 19 years as a franciscan brother, after a long discernment with the permission of my superior i continued my studies  to the priesthood. It was only in 2011 that I became a franciscan priest.

Which experiences in your ministry with the sick and dying which left a mark on you?

FR. STEPHEN: Both as a Franciscan  brother and as priest I had the opportunity to accompany Maltese people  in London in several hospitals. I used to be sent for periods of two or three months to help the Maltese patients. Since I became a priest I was also sent for three years to accompany the sick and the dying.

A particular experience was one involving a little boy. There was no hope that he lives and his last days were near.  The family knew that the life saving machines will be switched off but they decided to  wait until the day of the boy’s birthday. To mark this birthday the family organised a birthday party near his bed, they decorated the room and made a nice birthday cake. The patient knew nothing about what was happening. I was there with them. We sang “Happy Birthday” and cut the cake in pieces. It was very painful for his parents knowing that this will be his last birthday, possibly the last hours. However, to our amazement, all of a sudden, this boy started recovering. It felt like a miracle was happening in front me.

There were also other days which made me cry. I remember a particular day when the machines of a girl who was almost two years old were switched off. Her parents had already signed the papers to donate her organs. I couldn’t sleep the night the before. I woke up early and went near the family. It was so painful to see the mother accompany her daughter and see her dying.

On the very same day, as I came out of the room and was feeling heavy with what I had just experienced, I was called to go near a 15 year old teenager who was also dying. She had went in for an operation filled in with hope for a better life and ended up near the Lord.

To what extent do doctors, nurses, and other staff are affected by suffering situations?

FR. STEPHEN: I have seen doctors cry, I have seen nurses cry after such events. Though not family members, staff or persons involved in the care of patient can also “carry” the suffering of the patient and sometimes suffer themselves as they try to help and support the patient and the family.

But, you were also involved on the other side, the patient side…

FR. STEPHEN: Yes, this was when in the year 2000 my father was diagnosed as a kidney failure. It was a shock for all the family. We knew nothing what this meant. At first my father felt as if his world came to an end. However, eventually he realised that he has to build up his courage to continue living. He had a lot for what and for who to live. My father lived for another six years accompanied by a very loving and dedicated staff.

However, before he died we got to know that one of my brothers, still in his thirties who just had a young boy also was a kidney failure. I felt I had to do something for him. So three years ago I decided to stop from my ministry in London and go and give one of my own kidneys to my brother.

Were you asked to give your own kidney and what was the experience of giving it?

FR. STEPHEN: No, no one asked me but I offered myself. All my brothers and sisters are married with children, they all work. I felt that I had to do it both because he was my brother and because I am a Franciscan priest. It was a very positive experience. The process is long and laborious with checkups and tests, taking about two years in all. We went in for the operation together, my brother and I. Then there is the healing process.

But after some days my brother was back to square one. One can easily expect that the fact that you gave your contribution things will be well but it doesn’t always work like that. So now I had to find other ways of helping my brother. But as long as there’s life, there is always hope. I felt that God was still very close to us. I wanted to keep cherishing my brother’s life till the very end.

Thankfully, in 2016 my brother received another kidney and today he leads a normal life.

What have you learnt from your own and other people’s sufferings?

FR. STEPHEN: I have learnt that life does have a purpose inspite of suffering. Even suffering itself has a purpose. Even though we question and don’t have an answer. When we accept suffering and also offer it, we can start making sense out of suffering. My own suffering eventually became a way of feeling connected with others and feeling a sense of solidarity with others who are also suffering. And this is where faith comes in. Faith has kept me standing on my own two feet. I clung to the person of the crucified Christ who I felt very close and loving me also in these moments.

My faith has given me courage, a new hope and a love for others. I want to keep believing in God even in every circumstance of my life. Suffering is part and parcel of our lives, either my life or the ones close to us. Suffering is not a punishment. When you love you can stand everything.

Published: January 2017

Read more:
– Overcoming Fear – “Do Not Be Afraid”
– My Psychosis Recovery – Love, Medicine and Faith

Watch:

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1. Hospitals Should Be The Place Where Suffering Should Be Acknowledged 

“The role of hospitals, clinics and convalescent homes… should not merely be institutions where care is provided for the sick or the dying. Above all they should be places where suffering, pain and death are acknowledged and understood in their human and specifically Christian meaning.”
Pope John Paul 2nd, The Gospel Of Life, 1995

2. God Is With Us And Remains With Us On The Cross

“To all those sick in hospital, who live within the walls of a prison, or who are trapped by war, we are called to look to Christ Crucified on the Cross, who is God with us, who remains with us on the Cross and who offers himself as our Saviour. The good thief helps us to understand how we should approach God: with awe and not fear, with respect for God’s power and infinite goodness. When we approach him in this way, we entrust ourselves to his mercy, even in the darkest of moments.
Pope Francis, Audience, 28th September 2016

3. On Children With Autism

“No to isolation and stigma…”
Pope Francis, Autism Conference, 2014

4. Accept Suffering With Trust And Hope

 “A wrong attitude is to live pain in a passive manner, letting go with inertia and resignation. Even the reaction of rebellion and rejection is not a correct attitude. Jesus teaches us to live the pain by accepting the reality of life with trust and hope, bringing the love of God and neighbour, even in suffering: and love transforms everything.
Pope Franics, Meeting with the Silent Workers of the Cross, 2014

5. Suffering is a transitory passage

“Christ’s transfiguration shows us the Christian perspective of suffering. Suffering isn’t sadomasochism: it’s a necessary but transitory passage. The point of arrival to which we are called is luminous as Christ’s transfigured countenance: in Him is salvation, beatitude, light and endless love of God. By showing His Glory in this way, Jesus assures us that the cross, the trials, the difficulties in which we find ourselves have their solution and their overcoming in Easter.”
Pope Francis, Angelus, March 2019

Read more:
– A Reflection On The Gift Of Human Life
– Top Popes’ Human Dignity Quotes

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