This single parents’ prayer poem asks God for support, guidance, wisdom and strength.

I know that, God, You’ve not ordained
a family to be led by one,
but there’s no way to change the past
or undo what has been done.

And so, dear Lord, I come today
for Strength and Guidance too,
as I am a Single Parent
and solely must depend on You!

I can’t depend upon myself because
alone I cannot stand.
I need You standing by my side,
holding to my hand.

Oh, cover me, dear Jesus,
with Meekness lest I see
old wounds of bitterness and pride
re-established deep in me.

I’ve already asked forgiveness
for what’s transpired, and passed,
but I need constant re-assurance
that I’m in Your will at last.

When I face ugly disappointments,
let me draw on Your vast supply
of Wisdom and of Knowledge
so I’ll do more than “just get by.”

A double-dose of Courage will
help me stand up to Responsibility
so I’ll be a better parent,
equipped with Stability.

Although my schedule’s very hectic
with so much more to do,
teach me to be a Spiritual Leader
as I daily lean on You.

Please help me to develop skills
my child needs to observe in me,
so I can mend that tender heart
for Peace within my family.

Help me squeeze in Quality Time
to enjoy watching my child grow…
time to create Lasting Memories
when Love and Happiness flow.

I promise, Lord, to follow You
even when days seem long or drear.
Help me hold tight to Your hand
and eradicate my fear.

When I’m feeling desperate, lonely,
give me Hope and Grace to see
that I never have been all alone…
for You’ve been right here with me!

Dorothea (Dotty) K. Barwick

The post Single Parents’ Prayer appeared first on Universe of Faith.

“In the context of formation in chastity, “fatherhood-motherhood” also includes one parent who is left alone and adoptive parents. The task of a single parent is certainly not easy because the support of the other spouse and the role and example of a parent of the other sex is lacking. God sustains single parents with a special love and calls them to take on this task with the same generosity and sensitivity with which they love and care for their children in other areas of family life.”
Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 1995, 38.

POPE FRANCIS calls Anna Romero, 35 year old single mother and tells her that she was “brave and strong for her unborn child”, that “a child is a gift from God” and that he would baptise her child.

Anna Romero : “I discovered I was pregnant and when I told him instead of being happy he told me he was already married, already had a child and to have an abortion. I told him that I would not have an abortion and told him to get out of my life. I felt humiliated and betrayed. I addressed a letter simply to Pope Francis, the Vatican and put it in the post because I had no one to turn to. I didn’t really expect to get a reply but then out of the blue when I was on holiday I had a phone call from him. We were only on the phone for a few minutes but my heart was filled with joy.”

Read more:
– Supporting Single Mothers – Maria Attard
– Good Education Quotes By Catholic Headteacher

The post The Popes About Single Parenting appeared first on Universe of Faith.

I only had 24 years when my ex-husband told me “I’ve had enough of marriage! I had long been hearing these words but on that day, which I remember clearly, he told our two young children to sit down and told them that he is going to leave the house but he will still see them every now and then.

“I tried to save the marriage”

After about two years of marriage I started having indications that our marriage didn’t seem quite stable but I started doing my best to try to save the marriage like giving in and not having my way. I used to mention the idea of counselling but my husband was not interested. Personally, I had a spiritual director, who used to suggest that we do a session together where he can vent what was bothering him but my husband never wanted to.

“When the marriage ended, I felt great disappointment”

My marriage ended. He left. It was a great disappointment for me. I came from a Catholic family where I was not just raised in Christian values but where I experienced how beautiful it is to build and share life together in marriage, with all its ups and downs, journeying together till the end. It was the dream of my life. I did not just love him, but I dreamt of sharing our life together. However, he did not seem ready to carry his responsibilities, especially those pertaining to fatherhood.

The first years after the separation were the toughest

The first two years of coping with marriage breakdown, right after the separation, were terrible. They hit me hard. I felt like the lost sheep, without any sense of direction. I used to keep everything to myself as I felt that the taboo of separation was still very strong in Malta. My children sometimes came home crying from school telling me that their peers where saying that we were a “broken family”. I couldn’t stand this word. I tried to explain to them that though their parents separated, it did not mean that we were broken and that we were still experiencing unity between us like their are other families where the father died.

Death heals but separation drags

However, there is a difference between becoming coping with the death of your husband and coping with marriage breakdown. Being a widow is just not the same as being a separated woman.

There were times when I tried to tell him that he was still welcome. But as time went by, his contact decreased, including contact with the children. If I did not take them to him myself, sometimes he did not bother to come or I take them and he will not be there. I started feeling the burden of the responsibility of raising our children on my own. I also started to feel the judgement of others upon me. I used to go outside just to make errands so as not to feel the eyes of others upon me.

Even at mass, I could feel people looking at me. Once I went up to do the offerings with my children but I was stopped! It was painful. I went up to the priest in the sacristy after mass and he told me: “Of course, you should not have been stopped. You are welcome. You are still part of the community. They were really tough hard months. I also see it as a kind of ignorance. People were not aware of how to talk to a separated person.

“Writing and prayer gave me some relief but at times I felt I was losing faith”

I used to find relief in writing, writing became an important way of coping with marriage breakdown. I wrote a lot of letters to my spiritual director especially in the evenings. My children used to go to sleep at 8 o’clock. As soon as they slept, lots of thoughts used to come to my mind. Job opportunities were scarce so it was hard for me financially also because he did not give me any money. There was also a limit on how much I told my family. At times I hid from them so they do not feel angry.

There were times when my faith was a sort of sustenance for me. When I lied down in bed and felt the burden of life pressing upon me, I prayed to God: “I’m doing my little bit, please make up for my missing bits and be my guide. God was a ray of hope in my life. There were also people I met in daily life whose words of courage provided strength and hope in my daily life whilst I was slowly realising that life must not stop here. Life should go on.

There were other times when I felt that I was losing the faith. When I used to look at other couples and sometimes looked at mothers who were careless but still with there husband, I used to ask myself, why me? I am still full of energy, I take good care of myself, I look after the house, I love my children, I loved my husband, why me? This at times made me feel angry with God and I used to ask Him: “Where are you? Why did you abandon me? However, believe it or not, when I had these days, the day after I used to meet a family member, my spiritual director, a phone call or someone else who used to give me a word of encouragement. I felt like God spoke to me through these people.

“I could not take it any longer”

However, there were also very bad times when coping with marriage breakdown felt impossible, I felt I could not take it any longer. Once I opened the medicine chest and swallowed all the pills I found. Immediately after I said to myself: ‘What will I do now? I have the kids with me!’ So I drove to hospital and they removed the pills from my stomach, a procedure I did not enjoy at all. I remember that my father, whom I treasure so much and admire told me: “Anna, imagine yourself in a closed room without doors and windows and ventilator. What do you do, lose heart? No. You scratch the wall in the same place and keep scratching under you see a little ray of light. Then you enlarge the hole and shout for help until someone listens and you get the help you need. They were the first words which sank in me, which I treasured.

“I moved forward”

From then on I moved forward. I did have bad times again but I still moved forward. I had other bad periods where I felt lost. I was still young, in my twenties, so I did experience attractions towards other men. I started working to be in a better position financially, my parents also helped me. In the meantime my ex-husband cut all the contact. We never heard of him again. I started to build a new lifestyle.

Entering another relationship after separation felt complex

My parents used to keep my children once a week and I used to go out. Eventually I met another man. We started going out together once a week. This was like a breath of fresh air in my life. I looked forward to the weekend and felt attracted to him. But after a year or so, he told me that he wished that our relationship becomes more serious. However, when I heard these words I felt shocked. I was not afraid of committing myself but the thought of having another child who had both parents present while the other two I had, had only one, made me unhappy. To make matters worse, my ex-husband became a very absent father. My son especially started to feel angry at times about the lack of contact from him. Sometimes I invited them to pray for him, but he didn’t want to.

So this issue was really on my mind. I was also influenced by the pressure of the people. I didn’t want to be called “poġġuta” (cohabitating). When I expressed my thoughts with him, he was also shocked because he had the impression that we were doing well together. And we were. I felt very comfortable with this person. But we eventually decided that it would be best to go in separate ways. This was another blow in my life. Meeting him had become like a comfort zone in my life.

Dealing with loneliness after separating was tough

So I was again devastated. Waking alone, drinking a cup of tea alone, thinking and sorting out children’s stuff on your own, sleeping alone, no one to hug or hug you, the presence of nobody. Loneliness was even harder than raising the children on my own. Raising children was also hard of course. I remember starting to feel concerned as the teenage years were approaching. Thinking about Paceville etc But my spiritual director had told me calmly: “Your children are growing. And you are growing too. You are learning more how to deal with them. You are present in their life and you follow them. Rest assured that they will eventually be able to control themselves. The question of ‘why did I end up alone?’ was coming again now that the children were growing.

“I couldn’t replace their father, I am a mother, not a father”

Family gatherings were also hard occasions, Sundays, Easter and Christmas…cousins with both parents but we are always with a missing father. I remember when sometimes they used to talk about their school peers, telling me that their father brought them this and that. Really, I could never replace their father, because I am a mother not a father. Even though my own father was very present, he still had the status of a grandpa. They used to feel their father’s absence quite badly. You try to help your children carry this burden in their life whilst you are carrying your own feelings and anger.

I felt a growing strength within which did not come from me

Though my faith was not always strong, I could say that deep within me I felt that their was a strength which did not come from within me which helped me in coping with marriage breakdown. It was not just a strength to help me make ends meet, on a practical level, but also on an emotional level. I also felt at peace; and this peace grew with me along the years. If I had to look at loneliness and peace, loneliness used to control me in the first years. It was a great temptation not to let loneliness carry me and do things which I didn’t really wanted to do. Part of me was empty, lacking the man I longed for. Yet, as I say this, I cannot but remember of the people who were around me, my own children, my parents, my siblings, my family, a few friends, a few people who understood me, my spiritual director and this inner strength which I used to feel. So loneliness never took me over completely. Rather, through these people I started breaking through this limiting belief that I was lonely even though I still experienced lonely moments along the day especially when the girls where asleep.

There were even moments that I was experiencing relief in alcohol as a way of coping with marriage breakdown. I started looking forward to a glass of wine after the girls sleep, or even more up to a point that if I did not have wine in the fridge I used to feel upset. When I realised this I decided that this has to stop, also because of the money.

As I was very interested in house decorating, after the girls slept, I started to arrange some things in the house, moving furniture, painting a wall etc. My children were also very happy to see something new in the morning. The house started becoming a more welcoming place. I also realised that when I used my ‘extra time’ in things which I liked I started feeling better. I also started reading. I also discovered that I enjoyed walking in nature and felt relaxed whilst listening to a bird’s tune or saw a tree swaying. It was also a time to reflect on myself or pray increasing my inner peace.

Peace started to win

But as I grew, it was peace which started to win. Now that I am well into my middle age I can say that I do experience a strong sense of peace and tranquility. It does not mean that I do not get angry or experience the contrary throughout the day; but it means that I am able to stop and reflect and realise when I hurt other people. This is something I learnt also as I raised my children, in the moments that I hurt them through my words. I also tried to show them that I too am fragile, I have my hurts and weaknesses. This then helped me build a relationship with myself and the people around me.

Separation is a hard experience, even for those who abandon their own family

It’s been thirty years now since I got the separation; eventually I also obtained a Church annulment and he asked for a divorce which was also granted. Each one of these words carries a different status. The children asked a lot about this. It was a hard experience for all, even for those who abandon their own family.

Getting support is most helpful

As a concluding comment I would like to appeal to all those who are passing through this experience that feeling lost is a normal feeling and that support can be very helpful. Today there are various types of help which one can benefit from either therapy on a individual level or support from organisations as a way of coping with marriage breakdown. In Malta there are support groups like Cana or CARITAS. I was personally involved in setting up the YSSG – Young Separated Support Group. One does not need to share his individual story but get group support to discover one’s new identity.

Read more:
– Single Parents’ Prayer
– “I’m Catholic & Pregnant Before Marriage” – Nicole Grech

The post Coping With Marriage Breakdown – Anna’s Experience appeared first on Universe of Faith.

Maria’s love for the teen education

As a biology teacher in a secondary school, Maria Attard always had to heart the education of teenagers especially teens who are going through a rough period in the life. “I always opted to teach these girls; those at the periphery. The beauty of a developing child in the womb always fascinated me and I could not but see the incredible beauty of the human person,” she said.  Baffled by societal stigma and by the suffering of the single mothers, Maria willingly accepted to help in running the Ġużeppa Debono Home when asked to.

“Helping a single mother is helping a child too”

Maria spent 25 years sleeping in the home to be able to offer a 24 hour service. When this service was no longer available to underage women, Maria asked for help through an article in the Times of Malta last summer and the Minister of Gozo intervened to help. The “home” feeling is very important for Maria, rather than just being another institution. Ġużeppa Debono Home offers its services not only to underage age women but also to elder women who experience an unplanned pregnancy as single mothers or in a extra-marital affair. “Helping a single mother is helping a child too who is innocent and is most vulnerable when still in the womb. When we opened, most women were sent away from home or they themselves sought a shelter away from the gossiping neighbourhood. Today this has lessened but the emotional needs are the same.”

Maria believes, that support is very important so that the parents and society can consider the child as a gift. “A child is never a mistake even if s/he is unplanned, s/he is always a gift. So this goes beyond gossiping, stigmatsing and judging. A child is a precious gift to the parents which must be waited for and received with joy and jubilee.”

“I feel so happy when I see a father looking after his children”

Ġużeppa Debono Home also offers educational seminars in secondary schools in Gozo to help young teens build healthy and happy relationships, appreciate the beauty and uniqueness of the gift of life, and address the importance of both the mother and the father in the life of the child: “I feel so happy whenever I see a father looking after his children, going out with them and share their life. When a father is present the family is safe and sound. They need to know their role as fathers and live up to it. We need each other, men and women, to be whole.”

“The parable of the lost sheep is taken seriously”

Though the home is a Church entity NGO, the place has seen people from all sorts of backgrounds, religious and not. We asked Maria whether faith has a role in the service she offers, “Christ nourished me with His word, with His life and the way He lived. I am very much inspired by the gospel, by Jesus’ word and attitudes. This is not philanthropy but giving a service for the love of God and because in the person served there is the image of God. Jesus’ words  to invite to our table those who cannot pay us back or the parable of the lost sheep are taken seriously and the service is given with joy.” she replies.

Working with various professionals

The service in the house is given by various. Maria works closely with teachers in schools, social workers, counsellors and lawyers. This in order to help women participate in accredited courses, enhance their employment opportunities, improve their relationship with their partner in regular support groups, avail themselves of counselling services, and support them in nurturing their new child: “This is a call, you are chosen, so God will be with you in this service. Being humble, patient, loving the person sincerely, without expecting nothing in return will see you through and you get a lot in return.”

Seeing myself as a gift to others

Maria worked hard for a better Gozitan society for both women and children. To those who believe that abortion is firmly associated with the right to autonomy and bodily integrity for the woman she says: “If I believe and realise that I am a created being, I did not choose where, when and how to be in existence, why now and here, I realise that I am not my own. I am a person in relation with Someone who made me out of nothing and that there is a mission for me. Then I respect myself and see myself as a gift to others and so I cannot decide for myself if not in the vision of The One who made me. So I take care of my body and try and be a responsible steward.”

Updated: February 2018

Read more:
– Excellent Education & Family Quotes By Catholic Headteacher
– The Poor Boy Who Became A Successful Entrepreneur And A Happy Husband

Crisis Pregnancy Contacts:
– Heart Beat International
– LifeLine Crisis Pregnancy Free Services, Malta
– Support During and After an Unplanned Pregnancy to Mother/Partner/Family, Ġużeppa Debono – Home, Gozo, Malta
– Hope, Crisis Pregnancy Centre, Floriana, Malta

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