Fr Paul Galea replies…

“This is indeed a thorny question which requires an urgent theological response. My present understanding is that heterosexual (male-female) marriage is the ultimate model for friendship and intimacy as it offers the challenge of unity in diversity. That ideal cannot and should not be changed.

This however, does not exclude other forms of intimate and loving relationships that “mimic” or try to get as close as possible to this model but with obvious limitations. The equality between heterosexual and same sex marriage is a forced legal attempt to make it equal by law, but it can never make it the same. It is precisely because of the nobility of heterosexual marriage that all the rest are trying to imitate it, and if not possible to make it available to others. If it were not so nobody would bother to fight for it. Besides, if one were to abstract the values that are at the basis of marriage, and to apply them to other relationships, that is not a bad thing in itself.

The other obvious theological limitation is if we were to stick too much to the biological. This presents a chasm between Christianity on the one hand, which basis a lot on biology and “natural law”, and the contemporary culture which sees everything as a social construct, that is culturally bound.

I think we should find a common ground between these two positions without going into extremes.”

Read more:
– Catholic Stance On LGBT
– How Can Catholics Welcome LGBTIQ Young Believers In Religious Youth Groups?

The post How Important is the Male-Female Dimension in Marriage? appeared first on Universe of Faith.

Marriage in today’s society requires more effort

Marriage in today’s society carries a more complex meaning and requires more sustained effort than the economic or social pairings of the past two decades. In past generations, the learning process used to begin at the knees of the father and mother, with their example, but the same cannot be said today with the high number of children raised in different forms of families or having been through bad experiences within their own family.

Young people are sticking to what is most essential in marriage

Today’s young people are genuinely experiencing anxieties about true relationships, and questioning marriage. The latter is clearly seen in the rising numbers of couples who choose to cohabit either believing that this would help them find out whether they suit each other, or thinking that living together is enough and so they do not feel the necessity to go into the institution of marriage. Metaphorically speaking these couples try to separate the contents from the structure; they stick to what seems to be the most essential in the relationship, that is, living together and de-institutionalise marriage.

Committment is being questioned

It is no news that the trend today is that the value of wholly committing oneself to anything, including marriage, is becoming highly questionable. People tend to fear that a lifetime’s commitment will mean surrendering independence and autonomy. Both men and women want to realise their potential in life and contribute to society. Yet, when they marry, many women may still have to carry the major load of looking after the children and home as well.

The need for multiple solutions

Since the causes of the contemporary family crisis are multiple, the solutions must be multiple as well. Inculturated religious answers might be one of them. In a world of pluralism, the Church has to keep making a continuous effort to understand the hopes and expectations of today’s people. Christianity, when properly interpreted, has many resources to offer to this marital and family crisis and change. Promoting monogamy, fidelity, permanency, and responsibility for children can be effective if done in a creative way. Pope Francis is definitely a great example in this. Helping engaged couples prepare themselves for marriage remains a vital point to be addressed.

Read more on-line:
– Seasons of Hate in Marriage, Maria Davis, 2016.
– Marriage Mytholgy and False Expectations, Tara Blanv, 2016.
– Pre-Marital Education Helps Keep Couples Together, Scott M. Stanley, 2001.
– Marriage: the mystery of faithful love, Deitrich von Hilderbrand, 1991.
– Coping with marriage breakdown – Anna’s experience.

Book:
– Chosen and Cherished: Biblical Wisdom for Your Marriage, Kimberly Hahn, 2017.

The post Marriage in Today’s Society appeared first on Universe of Faith.

1. Marriage is a mix of enjoyment and struggles

“Marriage is an inevitable mixture of enjoyment and struggles, tensions and repose, pain and relief, satisfactions and longings, annoyances and pleasures, but always on the path of friendship, which inspires married couples to care for one another: “they help and serve each other.”
Pope Francis, The Joy of Love, 126, 2016

2. Marriage is so special

“Marriage is of enduring importance. Its essence derives from our human nature and social character. It involves a series of obligations born of love itself, a love so serious and generous that it is ready to face any risk.”
Pope Francis, The Joy of Love, 131, 2016

3. Marriage difficulties can be alleviated by three special words

“Living together is an art, a patient, beautiful, fascinating journey. It does not end once you have won each other’s love… Rather, it is precisely there where it begins! This journey of every day has a few rules that can be summed up in three phrases which you already said, phrases which I have already repeated many times to families, and which you have already learned to use among yourselves: May I — that is, “can I”, you said — thank you, and I’m sorry.
Pope Francis, Address to engaged couples preparing for marriage, 2014

4. Marriage is beautiful

“Marriage is the most beautiful thing that God has created.”
Pope Francis, Address, 1^st October 2016

5. A marriage is successful because of its quality

“A marriage is not successful just because it endures; quality is important. To stay together and to know how to love one another forever is the challenge for Christian couples.” (see image below)
Pope Francis, Address, 14^th February 2014

6. Marriage is a craftman’s task

“Marriage is also an everyday task, I could say a craftsman’s task, a goldsmith’s work, because the husband has the duty of making the wife more of a woman and the wife has the duty of making the husband more of a man. Growing also in humanity, as man and woman. And this you do together. This is called growing together. This does not come out of thin air! The Lord blesses it but it comes from your hands, from your attitudes, from your way of loving each other.”
Pope Francis, Address, 14^th February 2014

7. A good marriage is like a plant

“Marriage is like a plant. It is not an armoire, which is placed there, in the room, and it’s enough to dust it every once in a while. A plant is alive, and it needs to be cared for every day: to see how it is doing, to give it water, and so it goes. Marriage is a living reality: the life of a couple should never be taken for granted, in any phase of a family’s journey.”
Pope Francis, 21^st December 2015

8. Husbands and wives need to communicate

“It is so important to listen! Husbands and wives need to communicate to bring happiness and serenity to family life.”
Pope Francis, Twitter, 16th Dec 2014

9. On the fear of forever

“How, then, does one cure this fear of the “forever”? One cures it day by day, by entrusting oneself to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily spiritual journey, made in steps — little steps, steps of shared growth.”
Pope Francis, Address to engaged couples preparing for marriage, 2014

10. Marriage is the sacrament of the love of Christ and the Church

“Marriage is a symbol of life, real life: it is not “fiction”! It is the Sacrament of the love of Christ and the Church, a love which finds its proof and guarantee in the Cross. My desire for you is that you have a good journey, a fruitful one, growing in love. I wish you happiness. There will be crosses! But the Lord is always there to help us move forward. May the Lord bless you!”
Pope Francis, Homily, Sept 2014

11. The couple is the image of God

“Man and woman are image and likeness of God! This tells us that not only man in himself is the image of God, not only woman in herself is the image of God, but also man and woman, as a couple, are the image of God.”
Pope Francis, General Audience, April 15, 2015

Pope Francis quotes on marriage

Read more:
– Overcoming Fear – “Do Not Be Afraid”
– Unrealistic Expectations Of Others And Of Self 

The post Top Pope Francis’ Quotes About Marriage appeared first on Universe of Faith.

I’ve met a woman with two children whose husband had an affair with another woman. She forgave him. She had the capacity to say my husband’s betrayal won’t cancel my love for him. We call that forgiveness.

Both the betrayer and the betrayed suffer in an infidelity

Living with the suffering of infidelity – the betrayal, means, that this woman will be accepting that she will be loving a man who has made the mistake of infidelity. It doesn’t mean that she won’t feel the pain of the betrayal anymore. It doesn’t mean she will not forget the mistake that has been done. But love can live and cope with the betrayal if it truly loves.

The same goes for the husband. The husband has a big challenge to say the fact that there was a moment went I betrayed my wife doesn’t mean I don’t love her or I can’t love her. He has to live with that burden – the scar of the betrayal. But he is still capable of loving. He can still say I was stupid at the time but I still wish to be with her, to love her always and in everything. Now that he has made that mistake, it doesn’t mean that he has to throw away everything. If he throws away everything, he will be throwing away the trust he has in his capabilities and his genuineness.

Humans love in an insufficient way

As we all have our weaknesses and limitations, we love in a genuine and insufficient way. But it is still loving. It is still genuine. It doesn’t mean that we are hypocrites as long as we admit our mistakes. This was Jesus’ style. When Peter betrayed him, Jesus never told him “goodbye, you’re fired”. On the contrary, Jesus asked him, “Do you love me, (with your betrayal)?”

This is the only way in which we can love each other. A husband may betray because he went with another woman. A wife may betray when all she thought about was the children, the clothes she bought and forgot all about the husband as if he doesn’t exist, because she was too happy with them. She wanted to be a fully dedicated mother and forgot her husband. At the same time can the husband blame the wife? Can he say you didn’t love me because we had children? Maybe, she was unable to balance things out but it doesn’t mean she didn’t love him. It means that that’s how she could love at that moment as her priorities got mixed up.

Love can survive all failures

What I am saying is that marriage can survive infidelity because love can survive all failures. This is so as long as we do not reduce ourselves and others to our failures. It has to be a choice. If in your eyes I have become “a betrayer”, I have no chance. “Betrayer” will become my label and you will forget all the good that I’ve done, how I have helped you in different life circumstances. All that you have forgotten. What’s left is only the betrayal. This is what happens when the definition of the person becomes the betrayal.

When I do this both on others and myself, both are mistaken. Love (love = God & God = love), that love, knows how to live with these failures. It’s what Jesus said when he was asked: “How many times should we forgive? “7 for 77 times. That symbolic 7 means ‘always’. Indeed, if we love, don’t we always have to forgive? Love is not giving 3 chances and if you use them all you’re lost. But, many a time isn’t this want we all do because our love is limited?

Starting a new relationship

In another case, a woman, betrayed by her husband a few months after her marriage, is now living with another man. Can I say that the love for her present partner is not true? She will live a love that is not the love she wished for. She wished to love her husband forever. It is that intention which she had. But she couldn’t cope. And her husband couldn’t cope giving her all that love. It is two-way. She could have been stronger and said I love this man and I will remain faithful. I know people who have lived the rest of their life alone and raised their children alone to remain faithful to what they promised. Some of us are strong to say it, some of us are not. But this doesn’t mean that the less strong are not capable of loving. Love and pain can live together.

Pain is always a deficiency, a limitation, a piece of death, a weakness. If I have a whitlow in my finger it’s a little death in my finger. A sin is also a little death of love, that’s why we say ‘mortal sin’. It doesn’t mean that if I had a heart attack and some cells have died then all my heart has died. But those cells won’t heal, they have died. But with the ¾ heart that I have left, I still can do a lot. We all have, 3/4ths, ½, 5% of a heart given all the blows life has given us. But we can still love, even in marriage, after infidelity.

Read more:
– “I’m Catholic And Pregnant Before Marriage”
– Infidelity: Mending Your Marriage After An Affair

The post Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity? appeared first on Universe of Faith.